Thursday, April 14, 2011

10 STEPS TO LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY : For men ;)

It’s time. You know it. You’ve waited long enough. The grown beard and the manly chest fur only proves that you’ve become a man. You’ve matured. You’ve seen `it’ happening on your dvds. You feel you’re ready.
It’s time that you finally lose your virginity. But you just don’t know how. The internet doesn’t help and neither do your friends who are making fun of you. You need a simple guide to help you with this basic but complicated act. Here are the ten steps that will lead to you having a great time.
10. The Girl – you have to have a girl to have sex. It is basic I know but it’s still a fact. Now sit quietly and give up on the notions of what you want. If she’s tall, intelligent, makes good chapattis and looks after your mother, chance are she’s not going to sleep with you in your current state. Also, no one intelligent, drop dead gorgeous and sober is going to give you a look either. So change your standards. Look for anyone. You will not find girls at bars. It’s a myth. Girls who come to the bars to hang out with other girls are there to have fun and checkout the men. They need not necessarily be wanton sex goddesses. The best way to get that girl is that friend who you never had any sexual feeling towards. Yup, that’s the one. She’s adored you for many years and tolerated your stupidity. It’s highly likely she doesn’t find you repulsive enough to throw a glass on you if you pop the question. Target. Found.
9.  The Preparation: Honestly, if you haven’t been laid yet, you need to do a little bit of preparation on yourself. You need to either get thin or get bulky. Preferably both. No woman is attracted to a fat man. Oh, come on, if it was vice versa, would you be? A little bulge is ok. No one expects you to be Hrithik Roshan. But unless you’re tremendously rich or powerful, you have to get rid of that paunch that will hamper the act. And women know. Hit the gym. Go for a jog. And stay off those aloo parathas your mom is making for you in the morning otherwise she will be the only woman in your life for a long time. Use a good deodorant and smell good. Don’t bathe in the deo, splash it lightly. Check for bad breath, oral hygiene is essential. It invariably begins with a kiss.   
8. The Conversation: This is something that not many men think about but is crucial to the act. While you may think that, “what conversation?” here is where you can go horribly wrong. One wrong word, and her “mood” is off and you’ve lost the opportunity. Conversation needs to be correct, before, during and after. It is vital that you get her in the proper state of mind, continue until you’ve had a good time, and then sustain it so you can have round two. And the only way you can do that is to Read, Read, Read. Read poems, read sonnets, read a few books on topics she would be interested in. And then you’re finally ready to approach her, in the way you never did before. You have to praise her just enough so she is interested in what more you have to say about her. Women are suckers for flattery. Once you quote Shakespeare, or remind her that the color of her dress goes beautifully with her eyes, she might want to have a little more to do with you. DO NOT compare her to your mother. It kills it. You must continue the praise in bed, continuously giving her encouragement instead of correcting and afterwards letting her know that she makes your life complete. She knows it’s corny, but she still loves to hear it.
7. The Ignore: This is the most difficult bit. You’ve buffed up your body, you’ve read the books, and you’re ready. But there is a little change in the plan. You have to now ignore her. But this has to be done very surely. You have to know she is interested in you. If she calls you instead of you calling her, or she has taken an interest in you instead of you following her around, you know she’s hooked. But then you have to, just for a little bit, become indifferent. Suddenly you have a project that doesn’t take you away from work for a few days, you don’t return her call for a few hours, you send vague smses, and you don’t have time for her. Now you can’t be rude. At no point should you ever snap, be angry or be blunt. You need to be apologetic for your time being taken away from her but you “just can’t help it.” You should not do this for too long as she will get bored and find someone else. It needs to be for just a week or so once you know she is hooked and waiting. The trap is set.
6. The Present: Oh yes, there needs to be a present. It has to show you’ve apologized for your bad behavior of not meeting her for a week and it acts as something that you’re grateful she’s in your life. You need to floor her. While diamonds may be the ideal thing a woman wants and loves, maybe some flowers and a gift package from Body Shop would be a better deal on the first date. But don’t forget to get her something otherwise she’ll think you’re a cheap, pompous man who has ignored her and doesn’t deserve her royal being.
5. The Date: A perfect date is a combination of two things, the right place, and the right mood. If your woman is an adventurous variety, a bike ride to a secluded spot with a picnic basket of wine, and light snacks might be appropriate. If she is the high maintenance kind, she might prefer a fancy new restaurant that has been in the news for the last month or so where she can be seen and a place where you can compliment her even more. If she is the romantic but down to earth kind, a drive to the furthest place from town while you chat in the car and take her to her favourite restaurant for her favourite meal might be just the thing that hits the spot. Research into this would be a good idea for you. Do not ask her. Observe her for a few months and read up about her sun sign!
4. The Location: There are exciting stories out there, of how men have had wild sex in cars, in the jungles, in bathrooms of a mall and other such absurd locations. But rest assured, these are only  urban legends. Public places might happen later in life, but they are never the places where you lose your virginity. The good old bedroom, with a stable bed in an empty house has been proved by a staggering 85% of the population to be the ideal place. You need to find one. While you still live with your parents, it’s not ideal to tell the woman to keep quiet while you sneak her in hoping your father doesn’t see your eagerness in the middle of the night. It is not ideal either for you to suggest that you go back to her place. That could kill the mood as well if she thinks you’re cheap. Ask a friend who lives by himself to go to a hotel room for a night. You can pay. You cannot take the girl to a hotel room since she will think you had it planned and subsequently an idea that you think she’s “sleazy.” It’s better to have your friend’s place cleaned up and say casually, “I was planning to stay with a friend tonight so maybe you can come and have a cup of coffee so I can have the pleasure of your conversation a little more.” Or something to that effect!
3. The Setting:  On a date, you need to be able to give her just enough alcohol that she’s in her senses and mildly intoxicated. A little too much and she will go to sleep and you will be dragging her to your friends place over your shoulder and taking care of her nausea instead of her horniness. The alcohol should continue once you’re back. Even if she insists on coffee, pour a lot of alcohol into it and make it an “Irish” one. Make sure there are only a few table lamps on instead of the top tube light. The lighting could take away from the mood, the intoxication, and the conversation. So be careful that it is soft, dim, and just right.
2. The Foreplay: All right. Here we go. The moment has come.  You have to start taking things a little slow. Preferably, don’t make the first move. If you’ve done all the correct things, she will make a move first. But if she doesn’t and is still felling shy, you move in close and look into her eyes. That’s when you have to figure out if she is into you or not. Do not grab her hair and kiss her. The first time is not about being rough or violent. It’s about the sensuality of the feeling. If she kisses you back, you’re on track and you can continue with the act of foreplay, gently touching and kissing all the spots around her neck, her back, her fingertips. She will tell you where and how. Keep complimenting her.
1. Losing Your Virginity: Be “careful.” For all your imagination and great prowess, this will probably take only up to two minutes. But enjoy it. Do not be tentative. Take charge. Do not call out any dirty words. Behave normally.  Listen to her and listen to her body.  And you will remember it. You will remember it because you took the effort that made this moment so special. You will remember her. And after it’s over, be sure to compliment her and hold her close and talk about how special it was for you. Because you know in your heart, it will be. Best of luck!

48 comments:

Fk said...

Hilarious :) see this is so much better... gq India just killed it...

Madhuri Banerjee said...

@Fk - Thank you so much!
@Anonymous - Each person/woman is different. Their search, their beliefs, their loves. But what we all need is a little humour. That's what I aim at. To make you smile, to make you realise that maybe you can try to do things a little differently today, and laugh at yourself a little more :)
Cheers!

Shankar Chandra said...

wanton sex godess? shades of brigette jones ;) ??? i did my bit for your royaly cheque btw :)

Anonymous said...

I seriously like the way you think!!. Keep writing. Eagerly waiting for more!.

Ohm said...

Interesting read for the aam admi of india who has no exposure to external world..

But today we r in a global world n every 20 something man on an average gets to visit atleast 2 countries outside india n if still virgin n dying for sex, invariably coughs up a few dollars to see a woman naked or loose his Virginity n will never wanA remember dose 2 mins of loosing Virginty (with a whore) :)

Ohm said...

Interesting read for the aam admi of india who has no exposure to external world..

But today we r in a global world n every 20 something man on an average gets to visit atleast 2 countries outside india n if still virgin n dying for sex, invariably coughs up a few dollars to see a woman naked or loose his Virginity n will never wanA remember dose 2 mins of loosing Virginty (with a whore) :)

dhiraj said...

someone abduct that editor of gq(dey r not worth being quoted in capital letter), tis is well written, will read ur book soon MB, just got it few days back, keep writing

Madhuri Banerjee said...

Thanks Dhiraj. Hope you enjoy the book.
Shankar - You're a sweetheart. Always were :)
Ohm - :) You know I never said anywhere, that the steps are "guaranteed" for success. And I'm not too sure if all men can travel and/or want to lose "it" to women who provide the service..

Raghavendra A Ravuri said...

good one. i was smiling and sometimes laughing all the while reading...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Madhuri Banerjee said...

Thank you Raghavendra

Tavesh12 said...

Well dats gud...buh weneva i get chance no gal can drag me back...Its only 2 hr 4 me...hehe

Anonymous said...

Aaaaah, ridiculous... its as if the guy has to fall on her feet to get laid... common, u say tat cuz u r a woman... and by the looks of things, the girl is surely a western minded northie... wouldn't need such lowly stuff for women down south.. much prettier and much better brought up so they'll fall for your love and not for the flashy western stuff, and that's how i lost my virginity...

Madhuri Banerjee said...

Laugh a little in life!

§ Robby said...

ha ha ha :) :) :) real funny that one was ... no such 10 step guide for me ... I kinda lost mine in a spur of the moment type and ... yes ... it was the best thing to happen :)

Anonymous said...

I love this.. Thanks u so much

- KLC

Basil said...

I am to be thirty on Sept 10, still a virgin but will lose it when time is appropriate and the girl is apt. All the same thanks for the pointers. I have picked up your novel thru flipkart on 28th July - to read soon.On another book atthe moment by Preeti Shenoy. Btw, I had completed a short story on 20th July from a woman's perspective as suggested by a female friend called 'Virginity Deflowered' which is on my blog. Do have a read. Your constructive feedback would be much appreciated. You are already one of my fav writers/authors from what I have read that you have written through google and this blog. Hope to interview you some day.Introducing myself, I am an editor with a local publication house based in Goa, and a freelance too, aspiring to be an author.

Madhuri Banerjee said...

Basil,
No pressure in losing it. You should do so at the right time with the right person.
Please send me the link and I will have a look at your blog.
And thank you for appreciating my work and me.
Will surely look you up next time I'm in Goa :)
HUgs.
Madhuri

Anonymous said...

This is so tiring... i'd rather get a girl in my home for 400$ than this...
Anyway a man has to have sex more spontaneus and authenticaly.

MaNiSh DaLwAnI said...

hey madhuri......

this is manish a 24 year old chartered accountant by profession..anyways that's not important i m here because i just finished reading a masterpiece written by you.......you know i have read about 21 odd indian authors till date but you are the first whose name i had to google just to let you know that you are brilliant when it comes to writing......and as far as this blog entry is concerned i would prefer not to comment ....coz i m kind of guy who has sex in his mind all the time but the love for the girl has captivate more of my head n heart.....so m a VIRGIN BUT HAPPILY SO.......WILL DO IT AT THE RIGHT TIME ....COZ FOR ME IDEA OF ""LOVE MAKING ""IS A BIT DIFFERENT FROM ""THE SEX""...((I KNOW SOUNDS WEIRD"")))BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS....ANYWAYS I JUST WISH YOU ALL THE BEST ......N JUST KEEP ON WRITING YOU TRULY ARE AN ILLUSTRATION OF MODERN ,INDEPENDENT WOMEN WHO 'S IN CHARGE ....

WITH LOADS OF LOVE N RESPECT ....
YOUR FAN ((BIGGEST ONE))
MANISH DALWANI

Madhuri Banerjee said...

Thanks Manish

MaNiSh DaLwAnI said...

hey madhuri....

the pleasure is entirely mine lady.....n ya thanks a ton for replying this quick.....feels good to get replies from the people whom you admire.....n yeah another request do visit http://loveaccesssdenied.blogspot.com/......been writing for a while would be happiest if u give it a look........thank you :)

Anonymous said...

lol Still A Virgin But I Thought This Was Pretty Funny!

Nick..The Zero Gravity said...

WoW!!! Qui3t nice ___tHnKs fO sHaRinG wiTh uS

ashish said...

It dident help me..:(

sunny said...

nice Madhuri

this is very important and useful for youngster's .

thanks very much

sanjjay1983 said...

hey madhuri,
this is sanjay,30 n virgin
was happy in early 20-27
then worried after that i will die virgin
but after reading ur blog 50% of my tension release
I think
after MADHURI DIXIT
any other madhuri who can b remember forever is
is
is
MADHURI BANERJEE

such a cute face and smile
that every virgin would die to lose their virginity to her

nISHCHAY said...

Yeah your ideas are cool but PLEASE tell WHAT TO TALK TO A GIRL AT FIRST TIME WHOM I DONT KNOW???

rathankar said...

Dear madhuri
all your thoughts are fine, but about person's like me [aged 37], unmarried and hence not lost virginity, working in a very big position and not interested in pros continue with this.at an younger age,we get girl friends but as we get older, we still get female collegues and who are already married and not looking for a second one. any mistake from ourside will make us stoop down in the society, so how to go with such situations.

Amithu said...

Nicely said Madhuri But its tough to practice this in India but is very easy in the west - where i have lived for a short term .

And sharing a friend's room is not easy in a conservative society like ours !!

And yeah you look gorgeous !! :)

Madhuri Banerjee said...

Rathankar,
Sorry for the late response. I would suggest you seriously speak to women and lose your inhibitions. Don't put on an act. be yourself. You'll find a way to fall in love. When you do that, then you shd lose your virginity. Otherwise it really won't be worth it.
Love
Madhuri

Madhuri Banerjee said...

Amithu,
You're right. In our society we get married and then we lose our virginity. And you know what, that's okay too. Except you have to be ready for the life long committment. Many metros have changed. I can't say for small town India. People do want to experiment with their sexuality. And all the points I've written I've heard about and seen in INDIA. So they're not made up!

Madhuri

Anonymous said...

well said Madhuri Banerjee :)

yogendra singh said...

When I saw your book at a book stall in gurgaon. I got attracted by the title and cover picture.so I buyed it and didnt read for many days and I thought about madhury banerji like a average looking semi old woman .when i read its few pages.It was very good.And I related the lead story girl(madhury) with the cover page girl picture.I was thinking about the girl that how any beautifull gal can be virgin for 30 yrs age. and I throw the book on bed saying budiya sadiya gai hai. I suddebly I saw your picture on back side of book and got stuck at your picture. and than I read full book. '''' YOU ARE AWESOME GREEKSLOOK UNDEFINED BEAUTI'''I LOVE YOU'''

ishq said...

Thank u madhuri

This is very usefull for us.

sanjjay1983 said...

Hi,madhuri
good effort to make awareness.
i am 30 gud lukin handsome virgin..
main problem with me is when i first meet any girl i hardly find any topic to discuss so that it become good conversation and so on.
how to overcome this fear
because first impression is last impression after all

Anonymous said...

I did it I lost it keep up the great advice

Anonymous said...

I have a different problem....I know a very nice young man, only 20, from Nepal, who is a virgin. I am 44 and very attracted to him. I'm sure he would like to lose his virginity and I'd love to teach him about love, but I'm unsure of myself, thinking maybe I'm too old or something. I've dropped a few hints but he hasn't responded. I'm starting to feel like I'm almost being sexually abusive by dropping these hints. I've said I'd like to be his Mrs Robinson. Am I being obnoxious or daring? I know he's watching porn in his room. So why doesn't he want the 'real' thing with me? Are Nepalese guys really shy or something? He's not religious so it can't be that. How can I encourage him to just do it?

SWAPPY said...

SWAPPY:
its all nice and effective what you wrote above...
but as you are also a women and Indian so do u think that this all will work in our country...
I am thinking of going for it but not having complete belive in it..

Anonymous said...

tell me one thing madhuri how do know this ? if u had ever done it?

pravin said...

Hi maduri
a big time fan of your writing. Just landed here by searching how to loose virginity. I am surprised to see ur article after i started following u in twitter. Any ways i am 30 want to loose my virginity. I know a girl from my school days so planning to loose it to her. We use to talk everything including sex but want to know how to ask her or she js also interested in me

Anonymous said...

Well written.....keep on writting

Niladri said...

Funny, yet lucid! I was literally smiling as I went through each part. To keep up with the playful spirit, this writeup seems to be a step-by-step guide that one can just print-out, stick in the wall, check out every morning,tick the ones achieved and move to the next step (similar to a weight loss program may be :))!

Please keep up your good work.

Madhuri Banerjee said...

Thanks Niladri
I'm glad you understood the tongue in cheek and humour in the article. :)

Anonymous said...

thank you this really was a help

Jatin Malhotra said...

Hi Madhuri !
Iam Jatin, an athlete just 26 and not fond of reading novels..may be becoz i know i can make fun and jell in anybody's life easily. So dear, I landed on your creatively humored blog through a men-women first time sex orgasms clip, funny but true ! I read first 2 two lines while fantasizing about my colleague but finally read the whole article on the go with amazing expressions and creativity with a mix of humor and natural touch that you have added to it. I love to appreciate good talents, which i find in you too,,!! Good Job Done MB,

nd yeah, i will share this article with my colleague so as to help her loose the virginity easily :) though Iam an experienced now ;)

Cheers!
Jatin Malhotra

shubhro das said...

The substance is fine but i would really compliment your skills.....

rahul choudhury said...

Really, you are as beautiful as your blog. But I am in search of something that would fix"my problem". You know, I messed up with my true love for other gals. Now she got rid of me when I need her most. I love her a lot but she gives a damn. Would you please help me.